These sponsors aren’t real – sorry about that!
Those of you familiar with Garrison Keillor and his Prairie Home Companion radio show will know the famous fake sponsor, the Ketchup Advisory Board (KAB). Our fake sponsors may have relatively enticing names, but they are just as fanciful as the KAB.
A naughty brainstorm of John, Patina Buster, were it real, would strip our old pots from their most crucial characteristic: evidence of their age. Patina is the microscopic buildup of particles that have been leached from the soil during repeated waterings and fertilizer applications. Over time, this buildup can reduce a pot’s shininess and deepen its color. The right amount of patina can give old pots the quiet feeling that comes with great age.
Some of you may have noticed the buildup of white particles on the surface of the soil, the bark, or the pots your trees grow in. This buildup is the result of minerals that have leached from the water and now cling to your trees and pots. This is not the same as patina. The presence of mineral or salt deposits on your pots is a clue that your water may need modification to keep your trees healthy. And as for your pots, if we had a product that could remove white mineral buildup without diminishing patina, we’d make it available today!
Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO)
Dihydrogen monoxide is a fancy name for water. (Two hydrogen + one oxygen = one molecule of water.) And yes, bonsai professionals and even amateurs use it frequently, often several times a day, and it does have great benefits for plant growth.
For more about the history of this parody (no, we didn’t invent it), check out the Wikipedia entry for DHMO.
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